What I Had learned In This 17 years

I still remember how things were and how much things had changed.
I remember when i was a kid the future is what am i going to do for my next playtime.
I will be running around my garden with my dog singing the theme song of the sound of musics. The time when i got so emerged into a book talking about elfs, talking rabbits and princess with her prince charming. I believed that this will exist somewhere. I had this imaginary friend playing with me. I even had an imaginary dolphin who will come to me in every boring classes. I would stand straight and a faint 'bad' from my teacher will bring me the tears. When being a prefect is a huge dream. When i would talk to me plush toy until the middle of the night. I would sneak in my room to see if my toys had come alive (as it always happen in the storybook). When i hated pink and dresses. My knees were full of scab and when i would tell my mum everything. I used to sit and day dream bout my life in a huge white castle and hoping that maybe i am a princess in Faraway Land. I used to hug my puppy and kiss him. I used to climb pass the gate without taking the consequences. I used to run round and round while screaming my lungs out. I would never care about the extra pound in my stomach and would do my very best to please everyone by getting great grades. I used to study so much because i was brought up by successfully graduated parents. I wanted to be just like them. I was proud of them. I was never rational. The only complicated thing for me is what should i dress my doll. Pink shiny dress or maybe the blue one. That was my life when i was naive and simple.

Than i started to grow. I found out that santa was a fantasy and scars do not appear physically only. I found out that my life was pretty empty. I was this silly and vain teenager always up to something dangerous. Hating every part of my life. Thinking nobody would understand me. I would go around trying to be someone i am not comfortable with to make girls envy me. With those stuff that were merely important. I would easily trust anyone who acts like they understand. I hated those person who were true to me. I closed my door and not allow my family in. I would lock myself in my room, my own world, because i was an idiot thinking that my parents do not understand or even love me. So i tend to get those guys to love me but i found out i was even more depressed than ever.

Those was when i was stupid and idiotic. I was disapointed in myself. Really disapointed with myself. Now i Love my life. i love my family. The only one that will love me sincerely is just my family. I would try to be a better person. I am amazing. I am beautiful from deep down. yes, thinks might screw up. But i know what is my goal. I will try to be successful and i know throughout my journey in life i will have my family's support and that is the most important think ever. I have a great life because i looked deeper and i am very sure you can too.

-xoxo-
VyVyan