Faith

Things always happens for a reason. Something i hold on to. I am tired to death but would refuse to close my eyes as i know that this will bring back memories that might made me feel bad about myself about us. We had it all. The only thing we do quarrel is whether the somatic cell or part of the plant that should be cultured or whether monkey have a dip in a hot spring. Its sad to come and think of it that such a perfect relationship that is feel of faith and trust will end up in a trash. A guy who made me forget about the past and had truely accepted me and my mistakes as we were best of friends. But we decided to wake up to reality as we know, no matter what, this will not happen. As we always are we will put on a strong face and walk away. We will not want to breakdown in front of each other to make things worst. People will think, why can't both of you head to the same college, same university and than get married. I would laugh because things are not just that simple. To face the fact, we might never be able to see each other anymore. Why? Because we know love is not everything. Because we understand what each other wants. Because we are not selfish to destroy the other's dream just because of our hedonistic actions. And most importantly we love each other enough to accept that the timing ain't right. We are to young to decide who we will spend the rest of our life with but too old to stay in our own fairytale story. But i know as we move on we will look back at the time we had together as aquintance, friends, amigos than lovers. So this chapters ends here. As usual i was stuck with myself with my own thoughts and tears. Its only normal. I stared at the tv but my mind was going through this flashbacks. The pain is simply the worst because we know we have it, but its just the timing ain't right.

I tried to call to open myself up to the pain, to clear my mind, to feel like i have someone else since my rock is brutally snatched away. But sadly i was left aside with further disapointment. I cried again for being quite lonely in my own world than i started hating everyone in the world. It suddenly struck me that i am loosing myself again and i stood up and started scribbling reasons and the positive side in this story. Some reasons are superficial but its better than nothing right? And I felt better bout myself. I have to be strong for him, for myself, for my family and most importantly for my future. This small decisions i made is just part of those bitter moment i am about to face. Its true love is everything but just no that kind of love. I still have the love from myself, the love from my family, the love from my Best Friend who contacted me right away as usual (you know who you are girl. 7 years of friendship) and the love from God. I am never a superstitious girl but i am a believer. And with that, a pinch of smile and a handful of faith i know i am fine. Though the pain is still there but i will live. Pain is part of growing. Because with this experience i know who is the real friends are and who will automatically vanish during the hard time.

I still have our picture. In fact its at the wall paper, i will change it when im ready. I still have our name the moment i on my phone. Hey, this seems crazy but nobody is perfect right? If you are reading this, be strong. Things always happen for a reason and every cloud have a silver lining. I love you. And now i will still be able to love you as a friend. Things aint that bad.

I am Chew Vy Vyan. I am 17, going to be 18 the next month. I am not the prettiest girl in the world or The Girl. I am the Vy Vyan who is full of flaws. I am the Vy Vyan who gets into problem all the time. I am the Vy Vyan who still believe in love. I am the Vy Vyan who had just broken up. I am the short, chubby Vy Vyan and yes, I am JUST Vy Vyan. I am the Vy Vyan who believe that just have a little faith and everything will be just fine. I just know it :)

*sign off