Today

I met up with Min Chi, Zhi Qian and Sen Hua today. The last time I actually saw them them (except Min Chi) was almost 5 years. We had an amazing time and I had 3 cups of drinks. Hot chocolate, Cranberry Crush and I-Dont-Know-What-Is-That drink(Sen Hua recomended) but it was pretty nice. Cheap and exquisite XD

Shopped at Mid Valley and The Gardens for Zhi Qian's prom dress. Its quite amazing how me and Michi can maintain such a strong friendship in spite the fact that we barely see each other. Let's just say we are lucky and she is the first person i trust without a doubt. Strong bond and lucky that we have each other. We can back each other up and even magically appear when the other need the other. We know each other's family well. And I tell her things that nobody will imagine me having in mind. I know Jarrett must be burning if he read this because he always thinks he is #1. But you are my #1 gay friend? 7 years of friendship is impossible and amazing for most people. I am very sure that she will still be around for many years to come. And I am happy about what I have.

The entire high school life I made a lot of amazing people who changed my persona deep inside. I am still that crazy, cheerful and impossible to handle VyVyan. But i had learn a lot of good qualities of life. Like how to soldier up when things happen and how to clear my mind to stop thinking about something bad. Who to tell and Who not to tell. I made mistakes and that is what makes me human. The main things is i learn from them and make sure it will not happen any longer.

I had an amazing time today.

*sign off

True Meaning of Christmas

Just an hour ago I was still assuming Christmas is all bout fireworks, Log cakes with thick chocolate icing, yearly volcano ice-cream, and tonnes of shopping. Not forgetting hours of parties accompanied by the exquisite taste of wine burning your throat. That was christmas and I am very sure most of you had plans that involved partying or spending time shopping or drooling over the christmas tree with your presents.

I was strolling in the mall doing my window shopping while clinging on to my daddy. Later i saw this serene atmosphere with white christmas trees around a dancing ballerina and a unicorn. Something drawn me towards the little heart-shaped cards and I just snapped. All of you must be wondering what is that? What is so special? Let me tell you that those are wishes of the unfortunate. Those wishes they asked for was simple and sincere. At least most of them. Story books, Clothes, Shoes, Remote control car, diapers, and Bible. Look at us kids nowadays. A 3 year old screaming the head off for an I-Pad. Girls running on designer heels but still sulked because they dont have a Louis Vuitton. What is this people? Be grateful for what you have and with that i knew what is the true meaning of christmas.

Christmas is about spending your time with your family, appreciating what you have and thanking god. So people, the main purpose I am writing this is because I seriously hope that you will help. Just simply wrap your present and place it in the gift box. People need help. Stop being so selfish and blind because Christmas is all about awareness and kindness. Help the one in need. This action might seem small and ridiculous but believe me this is a life changing experience. Be grateful of your life and be happy that you still have your family. Appreciate them eventhough sometimes they might seem annoying.

Merry Christmas everyone

*sign off

Faith

Things always happens for a reason. Something i hold on to. I am tired to death but would refuse to close my eyes as i know that this will bring back memories that might made me feel bad about myself about us. We had it all. The only thing we do quarrel is whether the somatic cell or part of the plant that should be cultured or whether monkey have a dip in a hot spring. Its sad to come and think of it that such a perfect relationship that is feel of faith and trust will end up in a trash. A guy who made me forget about the past and had truely accepted me and my mistakes as we were best of friends. But we decided to wake up to reality as we know, no matter what, this will not happen. As we always are we will put on a strong face and walk away. We will not want to breakdown in front of each other to make things worst. People will think, why can't both of you head to the same college, same university and than get married. I would laugh because things are not just that simple. To face the fact, we might never be able to see each other anymore. Why? Because we know love is not everything. Because we understand what each other wants. Because we are not selfish to destroy the other's dream just because of our hedonistic actions. And most importantly we love each other enough to accept that the timing ain't right. We are to young to decide who we will spend the rest of our life with but too old to stay in our own fairytale story. But i know as we move on we will look back at the time we had together as aquintance, friends, amigos than lovers. So this chapters ends here. As usual i was stuck with myself with my own thoughts and tears. Its only normal. I stared at the tv but my mind was going through this flashbacks. The pain is simply the worst because we know we have it, but its just the timing ain't right.

I tried to call to open myself up to the pain, to clear my mind, to feel like i have someone else since my rock is brutally snatched away. But sadly i was left aside with further disapointment. I cried again for being quite lonely in my own world than i started hating everyone in the world. It suddenly struck me that i am loosing myself again and i stood up and started scribbling reasons and the positive side in this story. Some reasons are superficial but its better than nothing right? And I felt better bout myself. I have to be strong for him, for myself, for my family and most importantly for my future. This small decisions i made is just part of those bitter moment i am about to face. Its true love is everything but just no that kind of love. I still have the love from myself, the love from my family, the love from my Best Friend who contacted me right away as usual (you know who you are girl. 7 years of friendship) and the love from God. I am never a superstitious girl but i am a believer. And with that, a pinch of smile and a handful of faith i know i am fine. Though the pain is still there but i will live. Pain is part of growing. Because with this experience i know who is the real friends are and who will automatically vanish during the hard time.

I still have our picture. In fact its at the wall paper, i will change it when im ready. I still have our name the moment i on my phone. Hey, this seems crazy but nobody is perfect right? If you are reading this, be strong. Things always happen for a reason and every cloud have a silver lining. I love you. And now i will still be able to love you as a friend. Things aint that bad.

I am Chew Vy Vyan. I am 17, going to be 18 the next month. I am not the prettiest girl in the world or The Girl. I am the Vy Vyan who is full of flaws. I am the Vy Vyan who gets into problem all the time. I am the Vy Vyan who still believe in love. I am the Vy Vyan who had just broken up. I am the short, chubby Vy Vyan and yes, I am JUST Vy Vyan. I am the Vy Vyan who believe that just have a little faith and everything will be just fine. I just know it :)

*sign off

What I Had learned In This 17 years

I still remember how things were and how much things had changed.
I remember when i was a kid the future is what am i going to do for my next playtime.
I will be running around my garden with my dog singing the theme song of the sound of musics. The time when i got so emerged into a book talking about elfs, talking rabbits and princess with her prince charming. I believed that this will exist somewhere. I had this imaginary friend playing with me. I even had an imaginary dolphin who will come to me in every boring classes. I would stand straight and a faint 'bad' from my teacher will bring me the tears. When being a prefect is a huge dream. When i would talk to me plush toy until the middle of the night. I would sneak in my room to see if my toys had come alive (as it always happen in the storybook). When i hated pink and dresses. My knees were full of scab and when i would tell my mum everything. I used to sit and day dream bout my life in a huge white castle and hoping that maybe i am a princess in Faraway Land. I used to hug my puppy and kiss him. I used to climb pass the gate without taking the consequences. I used to run round and round while screaming my lungs out. I would never care about the extra pound in my stomach and would do my very best to please everyone by getting great grades. I used to study so much because i was brought up by successfully graduated parents. I wanted to be just like them. I was proud of them. I was never rational. The only complicated thing for me is what should i dress my doll. Pink shiny dress or maybe the blue one. That was my life when i was naive and simple.

Than i started to grow. I found out that santa was a fantasy and scars do not appear physically only. I found out that my life was pretty empty. I was this silly and vain teenager always up to something dangerous. Hating every part of my life. Thinking nobody would understand me. I would go around trying to be someone i am not comfortable with to make girls envy me. With those stuff that were merely important. I would easily trust anyone who acts like they understand. I hated those person who were true to me. I closed my door and not allow my family in. I would lock myself in my room, my own world, because i was an idiot thinking that my parents do not understand or even love me. So i tend to get those guys to love me but i found out i was even more depressed than ever.

Those was when i was stupid and idiotic. I was disapointed in myself. Really disapointed with myself. Now i Love my life. i love my family. The only one that will love me sincerely is just my family. I would try to be a better person. I am amazing. I am beautiful from deep down. yes, thinks might screw up. But i know what is my goal. I will try to be successful and i know throughout my journey in life i will have my family's support and that is the most important think ever. I have a great life because i looked deeper and i am very sure you can too.

-xoxo-
VyVyan

I just Dont wanna grow up and I am totally not ready for it

I know i am 17 when i am writing this but time is passing toooooo fast.

I mean everything is changing. My nephew is growing up WAY fast and he can now play angry birds on all Apple devices SO much better than me. Pfft. SHow off. I just digested the fact that know how to walk with his help of his walker. i dont want him to grow up. at his age he did not let me kiss him without his a handphone in my hand. He outgrown his nursery rhymes and sang along to songs that i HAVEN even heard about *sobs* But he is a joy in my life. I just dont like to see him grow. i m getting worry bout what will he grow up to. those influence. bad influence. i watched what i say.
Ps. he once said suck after i said that. On the spot. i felt stars in my throat and swore never to say anthing bad in front of him
HE CALLED ME STUPID when i refused to let him drag My SNOWY on the floor. sobs... i mean snowy is white. He cant... PFFFFFttttt... forget it. i am still crazy over his and his beatiful gold locks which i like to plant my head into... sobs... tears

OMFG... I cant remember the last time i actually blogged but now i just simply feel like it and I am just going to sum up everything that happen to me before i tell bout what is on my mind on the next post.

Lets see... screwed my exam.. very badly.. position in class is nerve breaking. C'mon... i got an excuse for my position in class which almost come up last. im surrounded by braniacs everywhere. I mean i am proud of myself that my last minute study had kicked some of the origins from the alpha class but i am sure they clacked more than me because i know they are SMART..

so lessons learned. Aint gonna screw up my exam and i will study hard.. You continue the next sentence and so on...

Got super caught up with Shirtliff and the most members are killing me by making jarrett and I go class by class to blackmail them. i mean come one guys. If you dont wanna get screwed than just show your face. Simple and easy. Not blabbing i mean i have to study or what so ever too righto? so what ever excuse is not acceptable unless u got killed or run down by a car. Ill talk to your parents because i am a student. i know the trick of "My Mummy dont let..." (ps. your mummy tell you not to get into a relationship or study 24/7. You are not doing it and spending time reading me blabs... pffffffft...)surat amaran it is for those people who continue skipping. And YES i and BLACKMAILING you people to come. I will kill you personally and curse you to get run down by thousands lorries and a bulldozer. And the finale which result death is a tricycle ran over you. YES i am evil. so dont make me. COME FOR YOUR MEETINGs. i am darn serious. thought not the killing part. i love you guys too much. *evil smirk*

NEXT POST NEXT DISCUSSION

My life these few days

Frankly i really enjoy myself...
Really really enjoy myself...
Alpha is great. Yes. I said it. Its definitely lots more fun than beta. No offence. I get to mix around a lot and made tonnes of real friends. Notes to andrew, natalie and cheng kuan. my new buddies in alpha. Dont worry, not forgetting tze jie, niren and jarrett :)

So there are many rumours going around saying im either with andrew or tze jie or even jarrett. Let me make it clear and sweet and also simple.

Chew Vyvyan is Single (but not available)

If the rumours still go on there is nothing i can do.

These few days i saw my brother sean. Love his new hairstyle. and made my day...

was thinking bout what faiz and niren said to me. They called me a strong a tough girl. Yes. I cry all the time. But i always smile when i cry saying i am fine. I even always act like nothing is wrong after i cry because i put it aside. I hold on to the main goal of my life. Straight A+. Yes. I got a lot tougher. I cried a lot lesser because i eliminated the torn and idiot in my heart. true it hurts a lot when it was removed. But not it healed. the scab is still here. But i feel a lot better.

I got so many better choices now but i am putting it on hold. But i am not going to play though sometimes i joke about it. Im not thinking bout anythg other than spm. So my life is great. Im still as perfect as usual. I still have my killer dimpled smile. Everything in my life is going right

*sign off